It has been long
since I wrote something sensible. Well, I am really not sure, if what I am going
to pen down will seem logical. But, the topic is quite “in” these days. So, why
not give a thought to it!!
To any of my dear
readers who are dating -
I guess that most of you have or will at some point be in a relationship that just makes you feel directionless. But let's throw this in there to make things tricky...Perhaps your partner actually has many great qualities. They might even be kind to you and be on the same page with you in many areas, etc...But because of a few things, you still feel troubled or anxious, you still wonder if "this is the one". You still have that pit in your gut because you can't decide what to do. Perhaps something about the partner just holds you back and makes you wonder if this really is what you want in a partner. And...that feeling doesn't go away. Ugh. Maybe there are good days. But no matter how much you try, no matter how many justifications you try to make, no matter how many months or years go by, you can't completely shake that feeling that you just don't feel totally at peace with this person - or with the idea of moving forward.
Have you ever been in this situation? I am sure, most of the people do fall in this state. It is AGONIZING. My heart goes out so much to anyone trying to make a difficult decision like that. If I can help, I'd love to...
Here's a tip....
Imagine the day you might marry this person. Would it make sense to get married with that same kind of awful feeling? That same kind of pit in your stomach? Would you want to force yourself through your wedding day, even though in your gut you feel a little sick? (And no, I'm not talking about butterflies here.) And, would you want to have these same thoughts and worries about your wife or your husband during your marriage?
Please tell me the answer is NO!
So, the way I see it - you have 1 option left:
1. Do the hardest thing ever and end the relationship.
I guess that most of you have or will at some point be in a relationship that just makes you feel directionless. But let's throw this in there to make things tricky...Perhaps your partner actually has many great qualities. They might even be kind to you and be on the same page with you in many areas, etc...But because of a few things, you still feel troubled or anxious, you still wonder if "this is the one". You still have that pit in your gut because you can't decide what to do. Perhaps something about the partner just holds you back and makes you wonder if this really is what you want in a partner. And...that feeling doesn't go away. Ugh. Maybe there are good days. But no matter how much you try, no matter how many justifications you try to make, no matter how many months or years go by, you can't completely shake that feeling that you just don't feel totally at peace with this person - or with the idea of moving forward.
Have you ever been in this situation? I am sure, most of the people do fall in this state. It is AGONIZING. My heart goes out so much to anyone trying to make a difficult decision like that. If I can help, I'd love to...
Here's a tip....
Imagine the day you might marry this person. Would it make sense to get married with that same kind of awful feeling? That same kind of pit in your stomach? Would you want to force yourself through your wedding day, even though in your gut you feel a little sick? (And no, I'm not talking about butterflies here.) And, would you want to have these same thoughts and worries about your wife or your husband during your marriage?
Please tell me the answer is NO!
So, the way I see it - you have 1 option left:
1. Do the hardest thing ever and end the relationship.
The only thing worse than
ending a relationship is being unable -- or unwilling -- to recognize when it's
time to let go. Sometimes we keep investing in the relationship because
we're attached, and then we start telling ourselves that since we've invested
so much, it must be worth something -- and around and around it goes.
Now, I'm not someone who advocates jumping
ship the minute things get hard. I believe that our primary need in life is
long-term relationships, and the only way to build deep, sustaining, nourishing
ones is to weather and resolve many conflicts and problems. We need to keep
hope alive, as hope is one of the greatest virtues we have. But it's
critical to distinguish between hoping and merely wishing. Hope is objective --
it requires evidence and concrete reasons to sustain it.
I know - this can
be painful - and might even practically feel like a divorce. But if the
relationship is causing you so much turmoil, it's essential that you are
honest with yourself and honest with your partner. But know that if you
choose to end it, you WILL survive!! You really will! In the moment, it
can feel like the end of the world. But it truly isn't. You will be
fine. And your partner can be fine, too. That is, if you both choose to
be. That's the amazing thing about life - we all can choose how we react
to our circumstances. And by the way, there ARE many, many wonderful
people out there! Sometimes we get stuck thinking, "This is my only
chance to get married." And it just isn't true!
And no matter what you do for yourself and your relationship - - I say to go with your gut.
I've lived my whole life that way and it has served me so well - even when things haven't worked out. The thing is, if you're not being true to yourself, it's practically like walking around with a ton of bricks on your back. It just feels awful and it can poison so much of your life. So, pay attention. Don't ignore your deep down gut feelings, intuition, or divine inspiration. I really, really do think that deep down, we usually know what we should do regarding these sorts of matters. We know what is good for us. We just need to be brave enough and bold enough to follow through.
And no matter what you do for yourself and your relationship - - I say to go with your gut.
I've lived my whole life that way and it has served me so well - even when things haven't worked out. The thing is, if you're not being true to yourself, it's practically like walking around with a ton of bricks on your back. It just feels awful and it can poison so much of your life. So, pay attention. Don't ignore your deep down gut feelings, intuition, or divine inspiration. I really, really do think that deep down, we usually know what we should do regarding these sorts of matters. We know what is good for us. We just need to be brave enough and bold enough to follow through.
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